Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
