Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have post one night stand depression
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