Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
