I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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