just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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