Non-Jews are for practice
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
