He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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