Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
