I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
