just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
