We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
