Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
