There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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