My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The air taste purple.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
