Got a toothbrush?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
