Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
