i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
