So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
