bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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