You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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