Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
