well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
