Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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