So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
