i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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