Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
