he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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