So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
