u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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