I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
