Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
