i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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