he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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