Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this boner is exhausting
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She bit a glass in half.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
