she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
