The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
