So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
