Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
