the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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