I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize