OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
