he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's blow job season.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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