it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Boobs speak an international language.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
