I think I died a long time ago.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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