You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
