WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
