i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
