I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
