the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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