I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
