I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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