You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would fuck him just for his dog
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
