What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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