I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
