I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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