I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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