i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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