she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize