And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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