have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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