hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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