Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
