I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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