well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
