So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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